Monday, October 22, 2012

you never know

Everything feels heavy today - the air, the clouds, a wonderful neighbor moving to another state, and ‘life’. I found out this morning that a neighbor across the street whom I had been face-to-face with and talked to only once, committed suicide after his four year old son died from contracting meningitis.

I almost feel as though I can’t breathe today. I have lost a child and know the impact it has on you; even if you move on you are never the same.

I don’t know anything about this person who was -  I don't know if he had a wife, was divorced, or whether his wife had passed on. He bought the house across the street last spring or a little earlier, not certain. He was always working in his yard and on the house. When I talked to him, he was in front talking about planting some roses, which he did. They are now in full bloom.

photo by spbm

It looks lonely when I look at his house, there is a for sale sign in front of the garage.

photo by spbm

I’ve been through some horrible things, this reminds me of how you wonder during the dark times how the earth can continue to turn on its axis when your life has shattered into nothing more than a heap of dust in front of your eyes. You watch people and cars, thinking how they can be moving when I feel so dead inside.

My heart is heavy with pain for someone I did not know. For the pain he suffered losing a child, and for the pain of not being able to face another day.

You can never know what trials and tribulations another person is going through.

I pray he is at peace and with his beloved little boy.


battlecry said...

This is so so sad and sobering. We just don't ever know. My thoughts and prayers are with you since this must be stirring up pain in you. I felt pain reading it and have not experienced the tragedy of losing a child. so much love to you xoxo ~Glynis

LadyCat said...

So sad and tragic. I'm sending warm hugs and healing thoughts your way. And prayers for your neighbor and his loved ones.

Jo said...

this is heartbreaking. there are so many people going through so much that we will never, can never, know about. my heart aches for you. this must be affecting you in ways that i cannot begin to imagine. sending you so much love.

Lola G. said...

These lives we are given can be so fragile, and yet, as individuals, we are capable of such strength. Sometimes it's Impossible to know on any given day if we will crack like an egg or stand strong like a boulder. So many times there is no in-between.

I suppose that the day my mother ended her life she believed there was nowhere else to go, which is too sad. But to lose a child is beyond the orbit of sadness, a universe unto itself, a place where no one wants to be. I'm watching one of my dear friends take up residence there, and her grief is still wrenching these 14 months on, as I know it will be for quite some time to come.

Your neighbor's house is empty now, but how awful that emptiness must have been before he left.

I'm thinking of you, and the ways in which these events bring a freshness to your own horrific loss. I hope that tomorrow brings you a gentle embrace, whether from someone who loves you or simply a breeze. Take it in.

Sixpence and A Blue Moon said...

Thanks so much girls for these beautiful and warm comments.

Glynis, is it really you? I haven't been able to find you as of late. It's so true, we really never know from minute to minute what we will be dealing with. I try not to give it too much thought, it's not healthy thinking.:) I do appreciate you stopping by for a visit. Sending much love back your way. xOx

Sixpence and A Blue Moon said...

Ladycat, it's hard to think about what people have to deal with. It does seem to me that some carry heavier burdens than others. My mom always said God would not give us more than we can handle. I don't know what I believe anymore. That's doesn't really seem to be the case in my opinion, otherwise, people would not commit suicide. And maybe there is something even more tragic...when people stop living, or when there is no quality of life? I just don't know. If it were within my powers I would fix everyone's problems. :)

Sending lots of love your way.


Sixpence and A Blue Moon said...

Jo, you are so right, so many people hurt and we never know. Maybe it's better that way. Not sure I could deal with knowing it all. :) My husband as ask me before if I put a sign on my forehead that says "tell me your problems"...Cause I have come home from the store in tears from someone telling me their stories. I can only hope this guy and his son are in a wonderful place today, enjoying each other's company and doing all the things they love doing.

Sending love your way


Sixpence and A Blue Moon said...

Lola, I often wonder if anyone realizes how fragile we all are? It is my belief that many of us are held together with nothing more than a single worn thread, which can break at anytime. Sometimes it is a big thing that breaks some, and for some, it is the small thing.

I am so sorry for you to have to deal with your loss. My grandmother committed suicide at the young age of 53. I didn't know here and it was before my time, but I do know that it affected my dad in ways no one ever knew. I often wonder what was so bad in her life that she could not deal with it? I'll never know. It was something that wasn't talked about in our home while I was growing up and my dad is gone now.

Yes, I can imagine the emptiness of that house. I would not want to walk inside now. I just pray he and his son are at peace.

Thanks so much for your lovely comment.

Sending love your way.


Cat said...

holding you up
shining light on this darkness
this is heavy heavy truths of life
the best way to honour him is to grieve him
in our grief
we help him home
thank you for sharing this story

love and light

Sixpence and A Blue Moon said...


Thanks so much...You are adorable.

Hope you are enjoying some beautiful fall days. It has been extraordinary here all week, weather wise. Each day I have thought it could not feel any more perfect outside...the air and temperature feel just perfect.

Happy middle of the week to you.