Thursday, July 05, 2012

It's July. Really???

(Every thing in my yard has died from the extreme heat and lack of watering.) :(

It's been a difficult and hot summer, not all bad but difficult. It's not the physical stuff that gets me but the mental strain that pulls everything out of me, leaving me drained. I've had little time to do any blogging - taking care of D. is a full time job. I check his feet twice a day and treat them once a day, wrapping them twice a day, lots of blood sugar and blood pressure checks. Nowhere close to being out of the woods, but they are better. A few more weeks left of taking antibiotics.

The home health nurse comes by twice a week and she is great! I love her! It is really nice knowing I have a number to call if I have a question that may or may not need the attention of a doctor. Having her available to call is a real blessing.

There are times the load is so heavy to have to carry alone, that I almost can't breathe. It's only that I have no choice that I find the next breath. Sometimes I want to run but there is nowhere to run - and perhaps it's a good thing.

I've been a caregiver for so long that I no longer know any other way. I feel I do not exist without taking care of someone.

I questions so much about this life...without finding any answers. Some days I believe one way, the next day I believe another.

1 comment:

wanderingbetweenworlds said...

I hope somehow you get some time to nurture yourself. It must be rough. I only know about full time caregiving in fits and spurts, nothing longer than two weeks or so, so I can't imagine how difficult it must be. I have a lot of questions about life too and I flipflop back and forth. I think it's part of the journey somehow finding our peace and what works for us. no easy feat :( I'm glad you've been blogging. I wondered how you were xo ~ glynis