This has been a quiet weekend, better than last weekend when I was still in the hospital. My strength is weak and I have a hard time doing anything, even cleaning the kitchen or doing laundry. No fear, it will be there when my strength has returned.
I had a couple of panic attacks this weekend. Never really dealt with them in this way, got panicky at times sure, but nothing like this. The thought of all that is ahead of me feels so overwhelming. Plus, I have no feeling on or around my ear. Just the thought of changing the bandage throws me into panic. It's weird how there can be no feeling, yet, it is the strangest sensation when you touch it. I am praying and believing this will start healing once the wound starts closing up more. However, they told me it could be a long time before the feeling comes back.
I want all the testing done and everything to be ok, to start the medication for the autoimmune syndrome.
Sleeping on my left side only is annoying, and my left ear and hip are starting to hurt from laying on it for such a long time.
I keep trying to think of a young anesthesiologist who I am sure was an angel sent from heaven. He held my hand the entire time after I was taken to surgery until I left recovery. He had an angelic face, and the most calming presence. I have actually thought of him when I have had the panic attacks and just thinking of his voice, face, and the touch of his hand is calming to me. I am so thankful for the wonderful staff who was present for me during a very difficult time.
I am so ready for healing and feeling normal again. To have energy to feel alive will be an awesome feeling.
Loving this quote so much.