Thursday, February 07, 2013

a trip to truman er

Photo by spbm

Spent most all day and night at the ER today. They ended up not admitting D., sent him home with another antibiotic prescription, heavier and more frequent dosages. I am happy and scared. Happy to be back home, scared to be so responsible for taking care of this foot.

A trip to Truman ER is never any fun, but ER is ever any fun. Truman has saved his life more times than I can count. It is a teaching hospital and I love that. A lot of people do not, I do. I have watched these young doctors do so much good, they are still cheerful, and even excited to be doing this work. They're eager to find a solution. D has been in hospitals where they have said there is nothing more we can do, they never say that at Truman.

I just finished treating D's feet for the evening, omg, I just pray they start improving quickly. It looks worse than it did this morning. I do hope they know what they were doing when they sent him home. And I really do hope that listening to Deepak Chopra tonight helps the anxiety I am feeling. Sleeping will not come easy for me tonight, will have to get up every four hours to check on him and give him antibiotics.

Seriously, I want some paved roads now and then on this journey called "life."

On a different note, I called D's mom to fill her in. I swear, I always, always wonder why I do. She is the hardest woman to talk to I've ever known. But during our conversation about waiting in emergency rooms, she stated the reason we have to wait so long is because of the "Mexicans." I cannot convey what that statement did to me. Everything in me wanted to throw darts. Since I am really trying hard to get my karma going in another direction, I held my tongue, somewhat. I was secretly telling myself "this is a test, keep your mouth shut". Ever since I hung up the phone, I have been angry with myself for not saying more, it's not in my nature to stand silent when another human being is being degraded in any way. All I can say is, I am so thankful my parents would never have thought this way or said anything so cruel. I sometimes wonder if my husband was adopted, he is so different from anyone in his entire family.

I am 'sorta' sorry for venting, but I feel I need to get this off my chest...and I am really tired and worried. See here comes the confusion, I would have felt guilty had I spouted off (which is my normal self) but in trying to be a kinder and gentler spirit, I still feel guilty for not speaking up.

Well, anyways, going to finish this and get off this computer. I keep wondering if I should just sit and watch D's foot, making sure it does not get any worse during the night. I need a little sleep, though, really I do.

For anyone who had the patience to read this, I hope I didn't bore you to death. I try not to get to personal on my blog, but I'm needing to lighten the load a little tonight.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

I'll leave you with some pics from today's trip to Truman, and a few wonder quotes to ponder.

1 comment:

Nyssa said...

You've got a lot of heavy stuff going on xo Venting is good and necessary. It's so hard to hold your tongue when someone else is being put down. It's an awful feeling and confusing because ( for me anyway) you don't want to get into it but you don't want to stand silent either. I have known far too many intolerant people in my life. I hope your husband heals quickly..not only for him but for you. That's quite the amount of work for one person to do. I wish I could help in some way. I've been there with being on call 24/7 for the people in my life who have needed the care. It is NOT easy! love and hugs xoxo